Week 1 with Matt in Houston is just about done. Hopefully he gets to come home for the weekend tonight. Weekends on my own with the kids are the hardest, so if I have a husband on the weekends, I'll be able to do this.
I definitely have moments everyday where I honestly wonder if I'll be able to do this on my own and I'm not sure I'm gonna make it without breaking down and crying due to being overwhelmed. Seth is a little high maintenance when he's awake, so he needs to be held and bounced and walked with a lot. (Sometimes I just wish someone else was here to hold him to give me a break.) This is usually accompanied by Luke being a typical 3-year-old and either getting into something he shouldn't, having a tantrum when he gets caught, or just plain wanting my attention focused on him. (Luckily he is very good to Seth.) Maya is as good as can be and even a much needed helper. I just hope she doesn't feel neglected by me.
The craziest part of the day is bedtime. Seth cries a lot in the evenings (similar to the way Maya was, but not quite as severe - my family may remember Maya's 3 hour cries every night when she was an infant.) So through the whole bedtime routine, Seth cries. Sometimes I can get him to calm down in the swing, but mostly he cries. While he cries, I have to convince Luke to get into his jammies, then get the kids to brush teeth and say a family prayer. I sing Maya a song (while Seth cries) and kiss her goodnight. She gets to read in bed everynight until 8:30. She is a piece of cake. Then (while Seth cries) I read Luke a book and sing him a song and hope that after I tuck him into bed he'll stay there. I put Seth down, even though he's crying, and give Luke my full attention while I tuck him in. It helps give him the "mommy time" that he needs and he's more likely to stay in bed. Usually he sneaks out a few times. This can end up in a yelling battle, but doing this on my own with an infant in my arms, I quickly learned that yelling just makes everything worse - and I'm not much of a yeller as it is. Then, once Luke is in bed, it's finally Seth's turn. I nurse him and he falls asleep in a nice quiet house. This routine is usually finished by 9ish. Then FREEDOM, much needed freedom. As tempting as the quiet time to myself in the evening is, I can't stay up too late or I'll be hating life when Seth needs to eat in the middle of the night.
Sunday was the worst - mainly because it was the first night and I was feeling sorry for myself. I've made a conscious goal to keep in control of my emotions, no matter how much Luke makes me want to pull my hair out. I keep my voice low, and think before I threaten with punishments. So far, so good.
Like I said - week 1 down and I'm still alive and my kids still love me and feel loved. . .I hope.
3 weeks to go!